Homecoming

Someone once asked me what was the thing I was looking forward to the most when my husband came home from deployment. My response “Going to the bathroom in peace” yup you heard it right, it wasn’t looking forward to having him in my arms again, snuggling up to him at night, knowing he is there, and so forth. It was being able to go to the bathroom and not have them beating on the door and yelling: “Mom, can I go to so and so’s house?” “Mom, she/he is bugging/hitting me,” “Mom can I watch TV?” “Mom I’m hungry” and the list continues. I wanted just once to go in that room, shut the door and not worry about anyone bothering me. Because I swore on God’s green earth as soon as that door is shut they know it and immediately everything is happening then, it doesn’t happen 5 or 10 minutes before or 15 minutes afterwards it is then, right then. Of course you would think as the kids got older and he was gone they would have learned their lesson, but nope, to haven’t because it still happens even today with one being almost 12 and the other 8.

Okay I’ll admit it, I was looking forward to everything else, the hugs, kisses, cuddles, being next to me, allowing him to have the remote control, driving the vehicle and everything else. I even didn’t mind that his clothes stunk to high heaven (by the way if you have that problem, a few drops of regular dish detergent works in getting the smell out).

That is also the hardest part sharing things again that you have had all your own. Realizing you are not both the father and mother anymore, you are no longer sleeping alone in the bed (although that was already normal for me because the kids took up most of the bed when they joined me and I was there on my side with no room to move. This happened even after I moved them back to their rooms, they managed to find their way back to our bed), buying more groceries, more meal planning, changing the way things were done, and some others.

It isn’t an easy adjustment for him/her either. It isn’t just during homecoming but during R&R as well. Often you can plan all these things you want to do while he/she is home from seeing sights to visiting family but they don’t want to do that at all. Often they want to sit, watch TV, relax and take it easy for at least a few days. They have to adjust to not being awake 18 hours a day, watch necessarily where they are going or what they are doing constantly, as well as others. Which is something that we forget and then get mad at them for not doing what we want them to. What you have to remember is that you love each other and going back to the way things were before isn’t always possible. You have both grown in different ways and have different ideas, what you can do is meet in the middle, halfway. But that does take time, so be patient, loving and understanding and it will get better.