It's been awhile

since I wrote in my blog but that is because I had a reason. Between finishing up my final classes and exams it was also time to get ready to move. I didnt say anything before because I was trying to keep it quiet on when and where we were going. The decision was made to move back to the Pacific Northwest after over 6 years away from it. It is about 3 hours from my parents, we still have friends who are part of our family here, it has trees and greenery and mountains and fresh air, things I have been missing very much. We had less than a week's notice for the packers so running around alot but it was done the best it could be done. The furniture is on its way, we flew up instead of driving the 3,000 miles (I wanted to keep my sanity) and had friends pick us up at the airport. The kids are now registered for school so they only missed a few days which is good. It is nice to be here and I can feel a difference already. We have a list of places to go to and already hit one place Silverdale Brewery, oh it was so good. Now we just have a few others to go back to and we will. It was wonderful seeing all our friends again as well. Something that I do think is very important, what I was missing and I think what I need right now.

Memories - school days of yesteryear

Did some reorganizing and stuff lately, during which I came across some old school day stuff and had to laugh. I found actually poems I had written in Jr & Sr High school which did bring a smile to my face remembering those days. The innocence, the ideas then, the dreams, they were the good times. Especially since I typed them out on an old typewriter (do those still exist??? ha ha ha) So here are some of them don't worry if you laugh, because I sure did, ahhh the teenage years??

A Friend

A friend is someone special
like a jewel
very precious and rare
and sometimes hard to find
But they are worth their weight in gold

A true friend is never a leaf on a tree
although they may change color
They'll never fall in autumn

Always remember you need
friends as much as they need you
So come and be my friend
Be like a jewel to me
But never be an autumn leaf
never fall away from me.


Daydreamer

Daydreamer....
What are you thinking of?
Why do you try to escape this world
into one of fantasy?

Daydreamer....
Where do you go?
Why are you so happy?
Is it because you can escape this world
into one of fantasy?
Or is it because your dreams are great?

Daydreamer....
Why can't I follow you into your world
of dreams and fantasies?
Why are you secluded and away
from all your friends?

Oh Daydreamer....
Can I come along with you
to forget all my problems and start
all over again?

Daydreamer....
I now know why you daydream
Please may I follow you.....
Daydreamer???


Sometimes I wonder

Sometimes I wonder
about the times of old
what they were really like

Sometimes I wonder
what I would have been
maybe a wench or a lady?

Sometimes I wonder
if I'm ever going
to meet my prince

Sometimes I wonder
how different things would be
if all dreams came true

Sometimes I wonder.....

How

How do you know where you are going in life when you are not even sure of yourself? There is so many different ways that you can take and sometimes it can be very confusing. You want to make sure you are taking the right way but as you walk down that path you are still unsure if you. You want to believe you are and that you have made the right decision but if it is taking you away from everything that you are sure of before, then you are going to keep asking yourself the question. Which gives you more doubts not only in yourself but in your relationships with as well, your ideals, you beliefs, your goals, your dreams, and other things you may not have thought of at the time you took this path. But you do have to have a belief in your heart not necessarily your mind that you have made the right decision, that you are on this path for a specific reason, that it will make you better in the long run, that it is what you need in your life right now. There can be more curves and dips and hills to climb as you take that path but is it already making a difference in your life is what you have to look at because it can be. You might not realize it at the time, but others can see it before you can. They can see that you are making important decisions in your life for the better not for the worse even though it might seem like it is worse right now and not better. This path can be taking you away from what you thought you knew, what you thought was right, and what you didn’t realize was an issue until it was too late. This path can be so hard on you that you feel like pulling out your hair because nothing seems to be going right at the moment, everything seems to be against you, and it doesn’t seem fair at all. But you have to trust in yourself and trust in God that you are on the right path. That you are on the path He wants you on because he is leading you down it. That He is there to pick you up, carry you if He has to, wipe away your tears, listen when you talk or write, and know that you are becoming a better person for it. A better person for yourself, because often we do put others before we put ourselves, forgetting that we need to be confident, determined, loving, warm, affectionate, believing, and everything else that is important as we help those others who need us. By sometimes putting them first we are discarding ourselves, forgetting ourselves, diminishing ourselves when we have no need to. We can only go so far before we realize that while we are helping others, we need help ourselves, we need to help ourself. We need to give ourselves love, affection, confidence, and everything else we have shown to others. In forgetting ourselves we have forgotten who we are and sometimes we need to be reminded of that. I am you, you are me, together we are one.

Back to school

Did your place shake today almost like there was an earthquake? It wasn’t an earthquake it was the kids going back to school and the parents shouting, clapping, stomping their feet with joy. It just wasn’t in this county, but several around the nation and it will be like that within the next few weeks as the rest of the kids go back to school as well. Of course not every parent is happy that their children are going to school, but many are. Many parents have also broken out the box of Kleenex as their little girl or boy is heading off to kindergarten for the first time or even middle or high school. I have to say it was very hard watching our oldest child get on the bus and go off to middle school. It doesn’t seem that long ago that he was off to his first day of kindergarten but I guess it has been I just haven’t realized it. Unfortunately being married to someone in the military means that not both parents were there and it has happened again. Just like he missed both kids first day of kindergarten, their dad missed the first day of middle school. That is the price you pay but it is a hard price to handle sometimes. Missing the first steps, the first words, the first ER visit, the first sports game, first day of school, and the list continues. Sometimes they are home and they still miss it anyway and sometimes even a person not in the military misses those days as well because there is lots of jobs out there that require travel. Time and work doesn’t make it any easier, it is hard on everyone but you can’t let it slow you down, you have to put on the brave face, take a deep breathe and just go on with the day.

Back on subject, kids at school, parent celebration? What to do? Go out to a movie? Lunch? a drink? How about all three? Sure that is an option but not an option for me today. Yup back to the old grindstone myself...cleaning, waiting on the paperwork to move, laundry, planning dinner for the week, the grocery list, check your emails, do the blog, and watch movie on from the 80s which makes you laugh when you see that some of the clothes, hairstyles and talk is back in style now 20 years later. I wonder if they will ever be out of style because it seems to me that things from the 80s keep coming back, the music, the movies, the TV shows, the clothes, more than any other decade I can remember. I wonder what our parents did then when we went to school? They probably celebrated too and they would be cleaning, doing laundry, having lunch with some of the ladies, doing the grocery shopping, figuring out dinner for the week, ironing, but definitely not watching all the shows that are now available on TV and checking their email. My how times have changed, I wonder then what our kids will be doing 20 or so years from now when their kids are going to school? Internet and emails might be obsolete by then.

But why?

But why is this happening?
I do not know
It seems to be worse
which I didn't think it would.
I know there are bad days and bad times
Oh but I want to change that if only I could.

But why is this happening?
I do not know
You try to get over it
and put on a good face
Move on with your day, your life
Setting goals, working at a new pace.

But why is this happening?
I do not know.
These words seem to echo
in my head and my heart
It is not something I really want
because it is truly tearing me apart.

But why this is happening?
I do not know.
My words now are flowing more
than they have in a long time
which is many ways is helping me
because they are making me think & rhyme

But why this is happening?
I do not know
one thing I do know
that will stop me from feeling blue
the good times and days are coming again
that much I know is true.

But why is this still happening?
I do not know.

Online Forum/Group Friends

Do you belong to one? Specifically military ones? Some have come and gone, others have gone through changes and reconstruction, while others have just stayed the same. All in all I have belonged to a lot over the years, I started out with Yahoo groups but even those have gone by the wayside, now it seems that forums are the place to be and get information. You can gain a lot of information and make friends through these places, but you can also lose friends and make enemies. Yes some are gossip sessions and a fight might start between a few posters, but others while have their ups and downs are the best place to be. You can gain so much information from them from PCSing itself, to pay matters, to an actual base/post/city, to the latest news, branch specific questions and everything in between. There is several online forums that are major and have large groups of people on them, mainly spouses in a few and Active, Reservist or Retirees in others. They have grown and fallen and then rebuilt again. But the information you can get has never stopped it is still there.

You can make friends through this groups and forums as well. Some you already have met and it grows from there; others you will meet at one place or another; while others you will be nothing more than online friends and never get the chance to really know each other. I have friends in all 3 categories. I have become reacquainted with girls & guys I knew before and had the chance to meet again. Other ones I have gotten the opportunity to meet and become even better friends with, friends we will be for life. The final ones I have known for years but never have and probably never will meet them. But that doesn’t change the way we feel about each other and what we mean to each other. We are part of a group, a special group that is there for each other no matter what, through thick and thin, good times and bad, a shoulder to cry on when something happens and a person to applaud when an accomplishment is made. These friends have helped me a lot over the years and I have helped them I hope. Sometimes it can just take that little bit of encouragement to help you or them feel better, the right thing to say, the necessary information, just an online expression like a happy face or a joke to make you laugh.

These friends can be in your life for a short time and other times they can be in there for long time even for life. They can be younger or older than you. They can be closer to you than your own family even tough they have no blood or marriage relation to you at all.

They are part of a sisterhood, your sisters.

Writing

Letter writing where has it gone? It seems these days most communications are done through the phone or online through emails. The days of actually sitting down and writing something out to stick in the mail is long gone. Even the Post Office is having issues these days where it is costing more money and they are looking at cutting back. I remember writing so many letters to my then boyfriend, then fiancé and finally husband when we were apart and it helped me as much as it helped him I think. There you could seem to let your feelings go with you as you wrote. Sometimes those letters never made it but many times they did and in some ways it made you feel closer to each other. I have actually sat down recently and written a letter or two and afterwards I felt so much better. Yes typing on the computer can work pretty good sometimes but using the pen on a piece of paper can give you another sense of completion, it feels like it is more personal, it can take a little longer but it just feels good. In the past few weeks I have made some changes in my life and I can say that writing this blog and writing letters has helped me to remember who I actually am as a person. I wonder if that is something else that has gone missing with the lack of letters between people. It doesn’t necessarily even have to be a letter it could just be a card and even those these days have gone to being emailed to you instead of getting it in person. Postcards as well, I remember feeling so special when I got one in the mail from a family member or friend and the same with the kids. Just that picture of something, the few notes on the back and the fact that it was mailed to you personally makes you feel special. Is that is something this technological society is taking away from us? Do we need to go back old school beyond the TV shows being turned into movies, the songs being redone, some of the clothes or hairstyles coming back in style? Do we instead need to bring back the writing of a letter or note to a spouse, a parent, a child, a sibling or even a friend? What about sending a quick card? What about writing a thank you note for something that you have received. Getting something in the mail seems to make your day, especially if you are having a bad day or seem to get only bills or flyers nothing actually personal. You know a thought came to mind about the mention of postcards there is one other thing that you can do with it and can happen. That is put it on the fridge and if it is a place you have been to then it brings back memories or if you haven’t been then it can give you an idea of where to go next. I found some postcards the other day from friends in various locations that had been done through an online group I belonged to. They were from all over the place and seeing that reminded me of those friends and how they had helped me and I had helped them during the years we have known each other, but many had or never will meet in person. So what I am saying is how about writing again? I am making a promise to myself to do it, sending postcards or cards to family members & friends. Writing more letters to special people. Doing something to help myself but to hopefully help them as well. Make their day special, make them feel important, make them have good memories and anything else that happens.